Magazine Mayhem
by Gin Megami
Summary: Summary: When all the females in Hogwarts start to become mindless fashion zombies, it’s up to Harry, Ron and Hermione to save the day. But when Hermione becomes one of them, is it too late to save her? Now the boys must figure out this odd puzzle and g
1. Prelude

Summary: When all the females in Hogwarts start to become mindless fashion zombies,   
it's up to Harry, Ron and Hermione to save the day. But when Hermione becomes one of   
them, is it too late to save her? Now the boys must figure out this odd puzzle and go   
where no man had gone before. Into the girls dorm room!  
Harry Potter-humor  
  
Disclaimer: I wont even pretend to Own Harry Potter. So…. Don't sue me. I'm in high   
school and I have no Job so my piggy bank is empty right now.   
  
  
Prelude  
  
"Just look at them." Hermione snorted as she watched a group of giggling fifth   
year girls walk by. Some of the girls spotted Harry and broke into frenzied giggles and   
whispers. "It's absolutely disgusting."  
Ron was looking. In fact he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of them.  
"Ron Weasly, stop gawking at them and pay attention to the discussion."   
Hermione snapped. With that, the last possibility of having Hermione in a good mood   
promptly vanished.  
Harry frowned at Ron, who just happened to be staring again.  
"Ron? Ron? RON!" Hermione shouted in his ear.  
"W-what?"  
"Oh, honestly Ron. Can't you think of anything else?"  
"Like what?"  
"Like exams."  
"Lighten up Hermione. Exams aren't for another a while. We'll have plenty of   
time to study."  
"Actually Ron," Harry said, " exams are in two weeks."  
Ron choked. "WHAT?!" He gasped.  
"Haven't you been paying any attention, Ron Weasly?" Hermione sigh.  
"Apparently not." Said Harry.  
Hermione watched as several groups of flirtatious Hogwarts girls walked by   
laughing loudly. Many of them were wearing heavy makeup and surrounded by large   
clouds of perfume and boys. Hermione sighed and went back to her work.  
From the corner of the courtyard, a shadow-shrouded bundled in heavy robes   
laughed evilly, accidentally attracting the attention of several passing students.   
Unfortunately one of which was a paparazzi student named Colin who just happened to   
snap a picture of the demented cloaked freak. The figure hissed and vanished and for   
some incredible stupid reason the students neglected to report.  
  
Author: who was this laughing lunatic and what was he doing on Hogwarts grounds?   
Find out in the next not-so-thrilling chapter! 


	2. A Suspicious Surprise

Chapter 1- A Suspicious Surprise   
  
Hermione looked up from her homework to see Ron's little sister Ginny Weasly flounce   
into the Griffindor common room. Hermione smiled at Ginny as she headed towards her   
room.  
"I'll see you at dinner!" Ginny said waving as she headed towards the door.  
Hermione went back to reading her book and was once again interrupted by the arrival of   
more students. This time it was Harry and Ron.   
"Hello." Said both Ron and Harry simultaneously.  
"Where were you?" Harry asked.  
"The library, of course."   
"Of course." Ron snorted.  
"Come on Hermione, we'll be late for dinner." Harry said quickly trying to   
prevent further argument.  
"Oh, alright." She said packing her stuff into her book bag.  
The Great Hall was lit be hundreds of floating candles floating in the imitation   
sky overhead as the three rounded the corner. The hall was filled with hundreds of dark   
robed students clamoring for food.  
Harry, Ron and Hermione took a seat at the Griffindor table and caught sight of   
Ron's older twin brothers, George and Fred who winked mischievously. They nodded to   
several of their friends.  
Ginny sat down across the table as the plates automatically filled with food.   
Professor Dumbledore raised his glass in a toast as the students dug in. Ron eyed the food   
hungrily. Harry and Hermione spend their dinner talking about final exams while Ron   
happily stuffed his face.   
"What do you think will be on the potions test?" Harry asked Hermione and Ron.   
Ron merely shrugged as he took a large bite of chicken. Hermione rolled her eyes.   
"I bet there will be at least one very powerful sleeping drought on the test."   
Hermione shrugged "and most likely several harder potions. It's a good thing I'm an   
chapter 37."  
"Aren't we only supposed to read chapter 29?" Harry looked at Hermione   
questioningly.   
"Well," Hermione looked a bit abashed "I'm a little behind." Hermione's face   
turned an unusual shade of scarlet. Ron rolled his eyes.  
"If Snape is the Potions master, why can't he figure out how to whip up a potion   
to cure his greasy hair?" Ron snickered.   
A large owl appeared in the great hall landing in front of Ginny Weasley. The   
Owl cocked its head to look at Ginny as she untied the package hooked to its leg. When   
she finished the owl gave a harsh screech and took to the air.  
Ginny was staring at the bundle in front of her with an apprehensive look on her   
face. The package was wrapped in plain brown butcher paper. The only marking on it   
appeared to be Ginny Weasley's name scrawled in black ink in the corner of the package   
in plain black ink.  
"Well?" Ron gasped excitedly "Open it!"  
Ginny shrugged and tore the paper open. Inside the paper was a glossy magazine   
cover. The title read "Spellbinding Style". Ginny shrugged and showed it to Pavati and   
Lavender, two other Griffindor girls sitting next to her. The girls poured over the contents   
of the magazine enthusiastically.  
Hermione snorted and looked over at her two friends who both shrugged.   
*****  
Back at the common room Harry, Hermione and Ron sat in Griffindor's large   
comfortable chairs mulling over their homework. Or, at least Hermione was. Ron and   
Harry were once again shirking their Divination homework.  
Ron yawned and looked at the candle lit in front of them.   
"What are we doing?" Ron eyed the candle incredulously.  
"Divination with smoke." Harry answered staring blankly in the smoke.  
Hermione snorted. "Honestly, that is such a useless class. You are wasting your   
time."   
Ron shook his head at Hermione as she buried herself once again in her books.  
"Wouldn't Mrs. Trelawney love it if I saw my own death." Harry muttered   
slightly annoyed. "Maybe I could get eaten by one of Hagrid's pets."  
Ron grinned. " Or fall of the moving staircase."  
Hermione shot them both a dirty look. Ron just clicked his tongue back at her.  
All three were startled by the sudden arrival of several Griffindor girls hussled in   
a small, close nit circle with none other than Ginny Weasley in the center of it.  
The three friends gave each other puzzled looks. The whispers grew quieter and a   
few of the girls eyed the Harry, Ron and Hermione like a pack of rabid, half-starved   
wolves. An exclamation and a nervous laugh drew the burning eyes away from them.  
Hermione, Harry and Ron all unanimously decided it would be best to pack up   
their things and go to bed.  
Hermione listened quietly in the darkness from the comfort of her blanket as   
several of her roommates shuffled into the room whispering secretly. Hermione shut her   
eyes and pulled her blankets close around her. 


	3. East Prey

Chapter 3- Easy Prey  
  
Hermione was up early the next morning, still intact and surprised to find that she   
was the last one up. The morning chill still clung to the air, but there was something   
seemingly more foreboding that weighed heavily in the atmosphere.   
She found Harry and Ron in the courtyard in an enthusiastic conversation about   
Quidditch. Both of the boys waved cheerfully when they saw her approaching. Together   
they headed to the Great Hall for breakfast.  
Many of the students slouched sleepily. Fred and George looked especially   
disheveled. About half of the girls in Griffindor (Ginny, Lavender and the group from last   
night included) looked oddly calm and actually to Hermione's observation all seemed to   
have a very vacant look to them. Not a word passed from one of them to any one else.   
Ron and Harry shrugged seeing the suspicious look on Hermione's face.   
In a flurry of excitement the owl post arrived at Griffindor's table delivering   
packages to most of the unusual acting Giffindor girls.  
The ones who received the packages tore them apart greedily and those that didn't   
sulked.   
The packages were all identical to the one that Ginny had received the previous   
day.   
Hermione raised an eyebrow.  
"I don't know why you are so worried." Ron said cheerfully. " All that studying   
must have gone to your head. You've been so paranoid lately. Is there something was   
should know about?"  
"Don't you think it's odd the way that all the girls in Griffindor are acting?"   
Hermione hissed.   
Harry surveyed the room. " Well, it is a bit out of the ordinary." He shrugged. "I   
think you might be over reacting a little."  
Hermione shook her head feeling frustrated.  
*****  
The three friends make their way back from potions when the were confronted   
with an extraordinary sight. Ginny Weasley was marching at the head of the entire group   
of Griffindor girls. They had shortened their robes to roughly the length of mini skirts.   
They marched towards the three friends, swinging their hips as the walked.  
"What the-" Ron grew pale. "Ginny?!"   
Ginny slunk up next to Harry and threw her arm around him. "Hello Harry." she   
said tracing her finger over the Griffindor emblem on Harry's robes. She was wearing far   
too much makeup and batting her eyes at Harry.  
Ron looked mortified.  
"See you later." She whispered into his ear and ran her finger over Harry's cheek   
as she unwound herself from around Harry's neck. With a flick of her hair she slunk off   
with her clique in suit.   
"Hot stuff there Weasley." Draco Malfoy said coming up from behind them. "I'll   
bet your little sister is easy. Ah, Hello Potter," he spat, "Have you been keeping her all to   
yourself?"   
Ron grew bright red.  
Harry glared. "Bug off Malfoy."   
Draco laughed. "Not until you get me her number. Too bad she's a Weasley, I bet   
she's a lot of fun."  
Ron Launched himself at Draco with a growl. Harry and Hermione both held him   
back as he struggled to rip open Draco's throat.  
Draco chuckled at Ron's reaction. He shot a disdainful look at Hermione and   
turned sharply on his heel with Crabbe and Goyle lumbering behind.  
Ron still looked flustered as he glared at the retreating figures. "This has got to   
end. Where's Ginny? It's time to get to the bottom of this."  
Hermione grinned. "It's about time." 


	4. A Run For Their Money

Chapter 4-Run for Their Money.  
  
" This is madness." Hermione said to Ron and Harry the following morning as they looked at the Hogwarts students. " It's spreading."   
The three noticed that all of the girls in Hufflepuff and most of the girls from Ravenclaw where dressed exactly the same. Their robes were all shortened and their hair was all exactly the same. Aside from the emblems on their robes they were indistinguishable from one another.   
"They're like clones!" Ron exclaimed. A few of the girls looked over in their direction and waved shyly. "I think I could get to like this."   
Several of the girls approached them waving. Ron waved back. When they drew nearer the girls called out to Harry and giggled. Ron's ears burned bright red. And he turned back to his plate and stared intensely at his food. Harry frowned.  
"I wonder what that was about." Hermione snorted.  
Some of the girls walk shyly up to Harry giggling insanely. "Harry Potter, can we have your autograph?" Harry nodded dumbly and signed his name on the offered pieces of parchment. They laughed as he handed it back to them, his signature scrawled messily on the paper.  
"What in the world is going on?" Hermione wondered.  
Ron sat sullen as he shoveled the contents of his plate into his mouth. The blush had not yet faded from his face. He are rapidly and meekly excused himself from the table with his head down.   
Hermione shook her head. "Poor Ron." she muttered.   
*****  
Potions was even worse than usual. Harry was annoyed by the following of girls that stalked him. Even Pansy Parkinson was getting in on the act. Draco glared at him from the corner of the room the entire period. Snickering and whispering in the shadows.   
Hermione headed out the door followed by Ron and Harry. Draco leered at them menacingly from across the room. His cronies Crabbe and Goyle wore identical matching expressions.   
"I've have a theory about what is going on with our school." Hermione whispered.  
"What do you think?" Harry was undeniably curious.   
"Have you ever seen anyone who hasn't been affected reading that magazine?" She said  
"What do you mean?" Ron looked puzzled.  
"Just think about it. I'll be in the library. I have a hunch how to stop it."  
"See you then." said Harry.  
They headed up the moving staircase distracted by Hermione's words. They failed to notice that the stair case had moved until it had solidly connected with one of the floors.  
"Drat." Ron muttered. "Oh well. Come on Harry."   
They headed into a dark corridor and walked stealthily through the dim passage. Behind them they heard the hushed voices of many girls.  
"Uh oh.", Ron hissed. they shuffled Quickly down the halls and turned the corner to collide with a shadowy figure.  
"Ouch!" Ron's exclamation came from somewhere near the floor.   
A cool drawl came from the shadowy figure. "Potter, Weasley, is that you?" It hissed.  
"Malfoy?!" Came Harry's startled answer.  
The voices behind them grew louder. Harry grabbed Ron and Draco and shoved them into the shadows. A large group of females strutted past them lead by Ginny.  
"Not again." hissed Ron as he watched the precession march down the hall. At the end of the Hall, Ginny stopped and faced her followers.   
"My fellow peers, do not be dissuaded from the task at hand. Our goal is to spread the word and to show the world the err of their way. We will unite the world and bring a new age to civilization."   
The chattering stopped and the girls stared at her blankly.   
"Distribute this." She sighed. "The last thing anyone will ever have to read."  
"Now, let me introduce the newest members." Ginny Motioned to the back of the hall where hundreds of people filed through the hall. At the back of the line, Pansy was dragging a pitiful looking girl.   
Her brown hair was in tangles and she was struggling in vain. The column of people parted and the girl was pushed through to Ginny. Pansy roughly shoved the girl to the floor at Ginny's feet.   
From their hiding spot they could only see the back of the girl's head. She raised her head defiantly and the gathered crowd murmured incoherently.   
"A gift to you. I hoped that you would do the honors." Pansy nodded at the girl in front of Ginny.  
Ginny motioned to some of the girls around her. They grabbed the girl and shoved her back to the floor holding her down. Ginny held her head forwards and stuck the magazine in front of her face. The circle of people closed in around her and the boys lost sight of her.   
After several minutes of intense silence, the people parted and the girl reemerged, head down, and shuffled towards the back of the line.   
Harry caught a glimpse of the girl when she raised her head again and his breath stuck in his throat.  
Hermione. 


End file.
